Saran Wrap Wars

This is hard for me to admit and I hope it doesn’t make people uncomfortable…
But I HATE Saran Wrap.
In my whole life of using Saran Wrap, I have:

– never successfully torn off the correct amount

– never successfully managed to keep it from clinging it to itself, rendering it into a small and unhelpful scrap

– never NOT ended up cutting myself with that dreadful serrated edge

– never once not used every bad word I know and some I didn’t know I knew.

There have been so many instances of the roll escaping the box and then unrolling itself slowly across my kitchen floor. One time, I was running late for work.I was out of ziplocks and had to resort to Saran Wrap. I yanked it in a rage, cut my finger then watched it unroll itself across the floor. I just sat down on the floor and cried. When I did get to work (with my sandwich wrapped in a paper towel) I had to tell people my allergies were acting up because I was pink and sniffly. It was a bad day.

I know plenty of you calm and efficient types who can use Saran Wrap with the greatest of ease. You don’t even think about it as you quickly and securely wrap something the size of a guitar. You probably chat with others as you do it. I see you.

I have one box of Saran Wrap. It has to be 15 years old, possibly older; it may even date back to the late 90’s. I can’t get rid of it; we’re locked into a battle that I will never win.